The Deep Joys of Peace & Rest

When disturbing circumstances and situations happen in our lives, they can easily steer us, leading us to the wrong paths--paths of distraction and frustration taking away our focus from God. We become so consumed by the issue going over it again and again in our heads as to what might have gone wrong, what led for the person to treat us in such a way that could not be understood. There are a variety of reasons, but do they really matter? Maybe they do if it really had something to do with us.

I tend to be so focused on the broken pieces of the situation. I want things done right, right away, and right now. I want to fix the issue and move on already. Lately, I have had a struggle with this one person in my life. When we have her and her family over, she tends to avoid me and avoid any deep conversations that would allow for her to get to know me better and vice versa. I do my best anyway to open up to her and just follow her like chicks following their hen. Maybe that is overbearing for her. Maybe her desire is to be left alone by me and gain the attention from others. Who knows? These are all assumptions. And then, when our family gets invited to her home…I am treated the same way. I get neglected. But, I didn’t want to just keep following her like a little chick. I find that annoying myself. I am the guest to her home. Anyhow, that’s the general picture of it in a nutshell lacking further details. My point is situations like these create unsettling feelings in my heart. I realize that I waste so much energy, heart-felt emotions that are deep within me when I am hurt by her and people like that. It seriously takes a week or so for me to get over it. I talk to my husband about it and try to figure out the whys and what-the-hecks. I’ve called him once while on my morning break from work and he was so kind enough to hear me out to discuss the matter (that’s what husbands are suppose to do anyway, right?). But, this call was pretty urgent—in my mind, anyway. It was as if a light bulb had turned on miraculously. My wonder at that time was…why do I often get treated like that by some of the women in my life? Did it have anything to do with me, with the way I act, or look, or talk? Hmmmmm…! And, really, we didn’t have answers to all of that. But, my husband assured me that I just needed to continue to be the same and be myself. To be loving, open, caring, honest, and simple. No worries, he said.

This is the purpose of the Satan. It is to distract our minds away from the God Almighty, dividing or destroying our oneness and wholeness with the Lord. So, before we let ourselves go there—to that state of confusion and frustration, we must pray and talk to God on how situations like those should be handled because our ultimate weapon to attack such circumstances is the Word of God. He will give us spiritual peace in times of chaos—even in our emotional and mental state. God gave us the beauty of prayers—pray to Him; praise Him in everything you do and for all that you have. The power of prayers is far more overwhelming than we give it credit. And, when prayers are done during alone time and collaboratively with groups and with your pastors, the situation will feel like it has been alleviated enormously as if a giant burden has been lifted off your shoulders.

My daily focus is to pray, pray, and pray…for I know, what great medicine it is for me and my closeness to the Lord grows stronger and deeper reminding me that I am safe with Him for He is the Light of the world, the expert of all of my worries, and the omnipotent and omnipresent God.

My Prayer Today: Our Heavenly Father, on Earth and in Heaven, thank You for Your open arms, Your listening ears, and Your unending and unfailing love for us, I come to You today in prayer bowing down before You asking for forgiveness for those times when I have failed to come to You for anything at all, for tough situations and tough people who hurt my feelings deeply, so. I need You more than I realize. Continue to remind me and allow for me to come to You always for praises and prayers. And, remind me that through You, I can operate power-packed emotionally for You have the wisdom I am seeking on how to react to situations like those. 

In Jesus’ Name and for Your glory,

Amen

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." --Psalm 143:8 NIV

A Reflective Winter Break

Ahhhh (sigh)…finally, a break from school! This is the time when I don’t feel too bad or too guilty about working on my writing and reading the Bible and devotions that enlighten me. Don’t get me wrong, I am always enlightened with my nursing classes and the different topics that we go over and discuss including ethical nursing care, leadership, management, and so forth. However, it is a requirement, nonetheless. For whatever reason, requirements seem to be more dreadful than other things we voluntarily do--things that interest us and feed our souls, things that shape us into who we are and who we have yet to become, things that we read about and through it we learn some valuable information about ourselves. With that said, I am going to spend my pastime during this winter break to indulge in what I love doing—and that is reading what I want to read and writing my thoughts down.

With Christmas behind us, and the crazy hectic schedule in our past now, we have something to look forward to. 2014 is knocking at our front door, are we ready for it? We just had a full year behind us. Do we ever get a chance to evaluate and analyze all the happenings and our growth this past year? Or should we just ready ourselves for this next year without reflection of the past year?

Personally, I like to look back at my year before this year ends and go over my accomplishments, failures, lessons, obstacles, and how those different things intertwined and shaped me into who I am today. Most importantly, in God’s eyes, did I have my act together? Maybe He is saying, “Hmmm. Not shaping like I’d hoped.” And, if that is the case, God is a forgiving God! His love never fails, never gives up, and never runs out on me. I will continue to allow the Lord to shape me into His image and watch as He turns the situations in my life around.

And, as I sit here and think about my past year, I think of those Tuesday evenings spent with my wonderful friend, Linda Bible studying and talking about our week. We share our stories and find resolutions to the problems in our lives with the guidance of Our God. How much I have grown through the counsel of a godly friend like Linda and I am forever thankful for her friendship.

I also think of the obstacles I overcame. There were definitely challenging moments…moments that left me on my knees praying to God, asking for His direction because He promises to “make our paths straight” (Proverbs 3:6, NIV). He is always at work in our lives, even during the most challenging and stress-filled moments. When we hand over everything we are and everything we have to God, when we rest upon his Truth instead of our own understanding and choose to walk in obedience, we can count on God for direction. And this is what I will continue to do into my new year. Yes, I am excited about the New Year, a fresh start, a brand new set of days filled with new dreams and unmarked possibilities, but I also know that I will be faced with new challenges. Challenges that I will perhaps question and may not understand fully why they happen the way they do, but I know that God will be with me every step of the way. With that said, I would like to end with a verse from the Bible reflecting on our New Year and what is to come:

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:30-34, NIV).

Planning for tomorrow is time well spent; worrying about tomorrow is time wasted. Careful planning is going over goals, steps, and schedules, and trusting in God’s guidance. Worry, in contrast, is consumed by fear and makes it difficult for us to trust God. And when we trust God with our plans, we need not to worry about a thing!

May you have a wonderful New Year filled with love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control for these are the gifts to a starving world (Galatians 5:22-23). 

God Bless,

Seda

This is my daughter's creation of Mr. Fruit of the Spirit from Bible Class. How sweet! :)

Definition of a Dysfunctional Family

In my research of the topic, ‘dysfunctional family’, many articles come up in the ways of what a dysfunctional family comprises of. There are many factors involved, the different relationships between members of the family, the subsystems that are in control, the transactions that are made in the family’s structure, and the feelings and emotions that the members experience individually and as a family. The family structural theory can definitely be used to determine whether or not a family is dysfunctional. Many factors, when combined, are able to determine this conclusion. However, we must first define what a functional family means.

According to Salvador Minuchin, the family structural theory focuses on the family as a unit and how each member interacts and relate to one another. Along those lines, the family members belong to subsystems within the family: the husband and wife—spousal, parental—the relationship between the parents and the children, and siblings’ relationship (Vetere, 2001). In a family, there is also a structure of how the family functions and there are also boundaries that are identifying factors to determine whether the family is healthy and functional, or not. And, when those boundaries are crossed between the members and the subsystems leading to the breaking of the family structure, these anomalies result in a dysfunctional family (Connell, 2010).

Dysfunctional families come in all sizes, shapes and forms. When one factor is lacking, absent, or misconstrued out of the main premises of the family structural theory: structure, subsystems, and boundaries, the family is then identified as being dysfunctional (Connell, 2010). For instance, in my personal situation, currently, I am not communicating with my sisters due to the fact that they have disrespected my immediate family in a distorting manner that even authorities have questioned what possessed for them to behave in such ill manner and disrespect. They have humiliated my husband and me through the process, and had the audacity to involve my 8-year-old daughter through all of their misbehaviors and name-calling. Therefore, I have chosen to not communicate with them or allow for my daughter to visit with them because of the negative influences that they have on my daughter and our family. This is an example of a dysfunctional extended family. And this is not a recent case that happened just last year, but the dysfunctional part of it has built up and accumulated over time.  It is a dysfunction that derives from siblings’ rivalry from when we were children. My parents are fully aware of this dysfunction, and even when we were children, they knew it was not a normal thing. However, they have failed to find ways to resolve the issues between the siblings. There were not any consequences for my sister for when she routinely, physically abused me. All that my parents said to me was, “If you don’t want to get beaten, then you shouldn’t be around her!” That was it! No justification or punishment. No structure or consequences. Boundaries were crossed, but my sister was never told that she crossed the lines. Therefore, this extended family of mine will continue to be dysfunctional if all members refuse to resolve the ongoing issues. And the most ironic fact of this matter is, both of my sisters are social workers with a master’s degree working with abused children in the community. This is just one example of a dysfunctional family. Not to mention, the influences of the Cambodian culture amongst my parents and the fact that they are uneducated as to how to resolve the issues within the family.

Therefore, as nurses of the community, when the opportunity is appropriate, we must assess the family’s functionalities. We need to be cognizant of any issues that members of the family face; we need to be able to identify them, and coordinate a plan of action to proactively work towards a healthy, functional family. Because when a family is functional, the derivatives of that family, in other words, members from that family is able to contribute positively, so to people in this society. These individuals shall carry their values and perspectives of a healthy family and be able to relate that kind of healthy relationship to others in this society. To say the least, I am a bit leery of how my sisters counsel families in the community when they personally, are unable to define a functional family and what it takes to be of a functional family.

References

Connell, C. (2010) Multicultural perspectives and considerations within structural family therapy: The premises of structure, subsystems, and boundaries. InSight: River Academic Journal 2(6). Retrieved from http://www.rivier.edu/journal/ROAJ-Fall-2010/J461-Connelle-Multicultural-Perspectives.pdf

Vetere, A. (2001). Structural family therapy. Child & Adolescent Mental Health, 6(3), 133-139. doi:10.1111/1475-3588.00336

Meaningful Nursing Care

Some people just aren’t meant to be in the positions they were hired for. As a nurse, it is strictly crucial to have a caring and compassionate heart, a mind for teaching and learning, a soul for listening and understanding, and most importantly, the knowledge and ability to teach and care for those who are at their most vulnerable phases in life, whether they are going through a series of chemotherapy to treat cancerous cells, or pain from a car accident that happened over 20 years ago, or an invasive heart procedure that requires the harvesting of veins from their legs and using those veins as grafts in their sawed-open chests, these followings are pretty serious conditions. Therefore, we need be to mindful and considerate when it comes to these situations. And if you chose to be a nurse, you need to be caring and compassionate everyday in your life. There are those who would swear up and down, claiming that they are cold-hearted, inconsiderate, and selfish; yet, they are nurses or in the profession of ‘caring’ for people. This is no joke. I’ve come across a few of these people myself. And who am I to say, “Well, dear, you are in the wrong profession!” In all honesty, I so want to say that.

I am my patient’s advocate; I want the best for them! In some instances, these people are helpless; they are not only uneducated, but they are also unable to take care of themselves due to their mental illnesses, developmentally delayed conditions, age, weight, etc. Whatever the reasons may be, we need to pay close attention as to how we treat our patients. Literally speaking and mindfully speaking! They may not be fully aware of the appropriate ways to care for themselves, or what the consequences are for when they are not compliant with taking prescribed medications as directed by a physician, or do not have the resources available to help them out. When we walked gloriously and gracefully down that aisle on stage in our white uniforms to accept our pins and certificates during that pinning ceremony, along those lines and time, we also pledged to follow these duties as nurses, to provide the best care possible to our patients and the human race in general. Have we forgotten?? Well, please allow me to remind you…

Nurses Pledge of Service

“I solemnly pledge myself to the service of humanity 
and will endeavor to practice my profession with 
conscience and with dignity.

I will maintain by all the means in my power the honor 
and the noble traditions of my profession. The total
health of my patients will be my first consideration.

I will hold in confidence all personal matters 
coming to my knowledge.

I will not permit considerations of religion, nationality, 
race or social standing to intervene between my
duty and my patient.

I will maintain the utmost respect for human life. I make 
these promises, solemnly, freely and upon my honor (NMMU, 2005).”

Reference

NMMU. (2005). Nurses pledge of service. Retrieved from http://nursing.nmmu.ac.za/Home