The Value of Just Listening

Have you ever been frustrated with someone who just needed to listen to what you had to say, but they wouldn’t allow you to finish your point or sentence or assumed they heard you say or mean something else? Has your wife or husband ever told you, “I wish you would just listen, honey.”? Have you ever thought: I wish she would just ask me what I really meant, hear my story, so she can help me better, instead of jumping to conclusion?

Listening makes people feel loved, valued, affirmed, and that you sincerely and genuinely care about them. It is one of the most important factors to communication and understanding. Listening does not equate to hearing. God gave us ears to hear and a heart to understand. Put your heart into hearing to listen well.

We all have a passion or two about some things in our lives. As adults, we have some sort of leadership such as parenting, taking care of our patients, being a bible study group leader. And, being a great leader means you must have great listening skills because it leads to better problem-solving, understanding, and trust from the other person.

Most recently, I have been really passionate about what it means and what it takes to be a good listener because I have been on that other end. For instance, I was expressing a concern I had at a staff meeting and my supervisor jumps right in and makes an assumption about what she thought I meant instead of asking me to clarify or even give examples to my concern. Another situation was when I was going over some of the feelings and concerns I had with my husband about household stuff, and in the middle of my sentence, he told me he understands and doesn’t need for me to reiterate. These are classic examples of poor listening. It’s as if I have been rejected and the feelings I experienced were: I am not worthy, I am not loved, my concerns do not matter, I have been misunderstood…

So, really, the question is…do we want to be that person? If we fail to listen to our fellow man, to other people, to our friends, to our spouse, to our children, so we fail to listen carefully to the instructions of the Lord. Paul warned us against quenching the Spirit in 1 Thessalonians 5:19. This goes hand-in-hand with actively listening to the Holy Spirit who is in us in those who have accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior. Listening well is vital for understanding the communicator. It lets the other person know that their feelings, concerns, and fears are not being extinguished or quenched. Listening well helps you to fully understand the person’s concerns, fears, anxiety, belief, and so on. It helps you to break down that wall one brick at a time. Therefore, do not diminish another person due to your poor listening skills. Instead, listen carefully to what the other person has to say. Ask questions. Clarify.

When my husband and I went to marriage counseling a few years ago, one of the most important things we learned about our marriage was that we were not great communicators. We were terrible. My take-away from the counseling was the ability and the need to mirror our conversation with each other. Our therapist had us mirroring each other’s sentences. It helped a whole lot in terms of understanding what the other person had to say. But, how did that fall by the wayside? We have to truly be proactive about actively listening to show that we care.

James, Jesus’ brother, a leader in the Jerusalem church advised us, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19, NIV). When we do not listen or listen too little and speak too much, we are communicating to the other person that what we think, our ideas, and our concerns are more important than theirs. We must be aware and keep track of our listening and our talking. Smoke detectors should come on when we are just hearing and not listening, when we talk about our life situation more than asking the other person about how they are doing or what they are going through. Let the other person know that you care about them, that you love them, and that they have value in your life by actively listening and verify that their points have been understood. Let this hit home with you: “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Proverbs 18:13, ESV). God gave us ears to hear, so let your heart and mind listen for understanding.

Connecting God's Dots

As a child, I really enjoyed the activity called "Connect the Dots". It is a safe and secure activity. If you simply follow the rules and directions, you'll feel like a winner every time after it is done. There's a variety of "Connect the Dots" pictures, from easy level (connecting the dots from 1-2-3 or A-B-C) to expert level (connecting the dots to the next number by 5's as in 5-10-15-20). And, guaranteed in the end, if you followed the dots as you should, you will end up with a complete image or picture of anything from butterflies to a house to a dog. And, have those colored pencils ready because you will get to color that final picture.

As an adult and as a child of God, I tend to refer my discipline to connecting His dots. Making decisions that are based on His will is not an easy or simple task as a maturing Christian. My decisions must be situated upon prayers, scriptures, communing with God on a constant basis in order to move to the correct proceeding dot.

To connect the dots effectively and to live effectively, our gaze must remain upon Him. If we look away, we will stumble. And, there are times when we do lose focus, but the good news is that at least God allows a redo or two if we repent and obey Him just as how He commanded the woman who was caught in adultery as told by John 8:11 (NIV), "Then neither do I condemn you...Go and sin no more." We would still have a chance at creating that beautiful end-picture when His dots are connected properly. There will be mistakes along the way, but we must surrender everything to God and allow for Him to help us through.

I can't wait to see the result after my dots provided by God are connected. It is a long road, but we must remain focused on Him and His promises. Can you imagine what eternity will be like? Picture yourself in this and meditate on this great promise found in Revelation 21:1-8 as follows:

 

Then I saw "a new heaven and a new earth," for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Look! God's dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away."

Wow...what a beautiful picture! Can you imagine??? This is a tremendous hope and encouragement for the believer. It definitely encourages me to stay within the road to get to the next dot. And, along the way, we always learn something. Just pay attention to those yield signs, stop signs, and warning signs...do as you're told. And, the beautiful eternity awaits us marked with "walls made of jasper and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls are decorated with every kind of precious stone..." (Revelation 21:18-19, NIV).

    (Image from godandhisrevelation.com)

Welcoming February

It is the first of the month...the month of February, the shortest month of all, but this year, we get an extra day. I am always excited about new beginnings...a new month, a new week, a new day, a new job, a new chapter...and the list goes on.

Today is the beginning of a new month and even a new Bible Study with some of the ladies from Adventure Christian Church. We are focusing on Beth Moore's Study entitled Living Beyond Yourself based on the Fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23. It is such an awesome topic of study in the Bible. I've been meaning to study this on my own, but as my excuse would go...we've been crazy busy here at home--especially with contractors in and out to repair things around here, paperwork needing to be sent to the loan originator for a new home, and signing the agreement to selling this home and a separate agreement to purchasing the new home. (I still think it's a good enough excuse to putting off studying the Fruit of the Spirit.) But, as God would have it, this is the chosen topic of Bible Study this spring season. What excuses do you have now, Seda? (smiles God)... And, even better, I am doing it with a small group rather than all alone.

Back to the beginning of this new day, this new week, and this new month...my morning started with getting up out of bed and encouraging myself to be joyful and loving as it is a grand new day! And, something else to celebrate...I get to have the day off from work! Boy, what am I going to do with all my time? I already had a schedule in my head...but, as the morning kicked off, I just kept going and surprises kept rolling in!

Walked to school with a grumpy 5th grader who just got lectured and a supportive husband on a very windy, but sunny morning.

Came back home and saw my husband off to work.

Made a cup of coffee for myself, blasted Chip Ingram's sermon on the surround sound system at home while juggling laundry, dishes, making beds, putting things away and tidying things up. What a pain it is to try and sell a home that is lived-in! I have to police the family and make sure they put things away after they are done using them, and always being ready for our agent to show the house to anyone at any given time. This is the chapter that I can't wait to see it come to fruition.

Went to bible study at 10 a.m. and mingled with the gals for a few minutes after the study.

Picked up lunch for my husband as I have promised.

Rushed back home to make sure that the house is spic and span because it is picture day for the house at 2pm. A surprise 2-hour notice from our agent. Yes, of course it would be okay. Sure...we can get it done...

Picked up Jewels from school--walking and praying, hoping that the grumpy girl has turned her mood. Hoping that the grumpy girl understood and thought about the violations she made and that she now desires to do the good and right thing--all the time!

What a high expectation I have for her even though I am fully aware that she is changing, and transitioning into this really rough phase in her life...tween life...the in-between phase into teenage-hood and then into young adulthood. And, she is only human. We all have made mistakes, we all have sinned. But, let's hope that we have learned from those mistakes. Oh my...what a struggle--I thought...when I woke up this morning to find that the Jewels slept with her iPod. Broken rule of this Vash House!

That's it! iPod has been locked in our security box, and she will not get to see it for a week, maybe two...I'm still contemplating :/

And, now, the family is all together again...let's start this all over again and welcome February with a positive attitude, an open mind and heart to God and His great energy. For without His energy today, without His help, without His guidance, and without His love, I would not have been able to do what I have done today. I pray for understanding as to what my daughter is going through and what she needs from me, Father. I pray that she seeks You first. I pray for knowledge and wisdom to help her transition into this new phase in her life in a healthy way, Lord. I am desperate for Your help with everything, and in this season of my life...I especially need Your guidance and help with how to be a better mother.

Let's pray:

Father, may we welcome new beginnings with an open heart and an open mind, but above all else, may we welcome You into our lives every minute of every day. Please remind us that we are weak without You. And, that when we are broken, we must come to You for your help to put us back together again because You are the Creator. You are the only One who knows how to fix us. You are the Great Healer, the Great Physician. May Your Holy Spirit move us to do the good and right thing with love and joy even when it means "living beyond ourselves" as Beth Moore had mentioned. Thank you for loving me...

In Your Son's name I pray, Amen

God's Beautiful Grace

Have you ever meditated on God's grace for you? How about...how you got where you are today?

 

To have this beautiful and everlasting relationship with Him, to have the open access for prayers and praises to God at any given time through our Savior Jesus Christ--is all by the grace of God. Grace translates to me as God's unfailing love, His mercy, His patience, and His loyalty to us and for us. Grace reminds me of God sending His one and only son to live and die on that cross for us...for all our sins.  

 

We have all made mistakes, sinned, and while we are believers in Christ, we are still sinners. Boy, is that a paradox or what?! We sin on a daily basis, maybe by going just a few miles above that speed limit, or by telling a white lie for the purposes of not hurting anyone's feelings, or by telling a patient that they will do okay under anesthesia and surgery to curb their anxiety before they fall asleep even though we know they may not do so well, and so on and so forth. Yes, we are sinners. And, no, we are not perfect! But, what is perfect is God's redeeming grace for us all! Are we deserving of it? No. Not at all.

 

God's grace by definition according to Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry (CARM) means the unmerited favor of God to those who are undeserving in other words unworthy. It is also defined as "not a created substance of any kind, but as the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it" (Our Wesleyan Theological Heritage, 2015). He desires us to have it--to have His grace and to understand it. When we come to an understanding of this divine topic of God's grace, we also come to a greater appreciation for what He has done for us compelling us to continually praise Him. 

 

Because we are not deserving of God's perfect grace and we receive it anyway, one blessing after another, is why I would like to remind myself this New Year and always of His beautiful grace and how it has changed me and continues to change me. I am convinced that this is the way to keep me closer to Him in everything I do. It is a guideline that outlines the path for me--to make decisions that are according to His perfect will, to renew my thoughts and ways that bring me closer to Him and that pleases and glorify Him.

 

Let's pray:

 

Lord, this year, I am committed to focusing on Your grace. You are The God of the universe who continually blesses me with one thing after another after another even though I am not deserving of them. I pray that Your grace will motivate me and encourage me to spill it over to my husband, my daughter, my family, my friends, my patients, the people I work with, and perfect strangers when I go out into the world. I pray that You give me deeper and a more profound understanding of Your grace, Father. For it is by Your grace that I have been saved. Thank you for loving me.

 

In Jesus' name, Amen 

 

 

 

The Joy Stealer in Me

Lately, it seems as though whatever I hear and read—through my devotions that I receive in my inbox every morning, listening to Joyce Meyer on my way to work, hearing Pastor Ken’s sermons on Sundays, and over the radio via a Bible Study program as I am driving away from Patterson—I hear the encouragement and reminder to be joyful always. I hear Paul telling me, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NIV).

Maybe God is trying to tell me something. Maybe He’s telling me that I need to be more joyful reminding me that I am a representation of Christ while I’m at home or out there in the world. And, He is right. I surely am a representative of His. I am a chosen child of God and I must behave and carry myself accordingly. And, to be a child of His is a true blessing—this calls for a joyful heart. I can always work on myself and get closer to that joyful always part. I can make a conscious decision to do what God says and acknowledge my dependence on Him and when this happens, my perspective will change for the better.

I must admit that I can certainly be a joy stealer. It is so easy to go there—to be negative, to complain about anything and everything from my one-and-a-half hour commute, to my 12-hour workday, to the assignments I get at work, to not getting enough time to be with my family…and the list just goes on.

I am guilty of being that whiner to my poor husband when I get home from work. I would tell him, “I’m tired. I’ve worked all day and was on the road for three hours. Just need to go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow.” In other words, leave me alone. See how easy that was? I am so guilty of this and after I have said this to the guy who proclaims his love for me every day, waiting for me to arrive home safely from work with a smile on his face and “baited-breath” (as he likes to call it), I feel so bad. I regret saying that to him. And, it’s something that I can’t take back. I can apologize, but it is only meaningful and sincere if I purposefully and intentionally change from the negative, joy-stealer to a joyful person. It’s not that hard to reciprocate that joy that he gives me when he finally gets to see me again after 15 to 16 hours of being gone. And this, sisters, is happening at home—I must change my attitude starting inside my home to the world.

If we are representatives or ambassadors of Jesus Christ the Risen and Saving One, in other words, the dictionary defines an ambassador as a person who acts as a representative or promoter of a special activity and in this case, that ‘special activity’ is Jesus Christ…then we must portray ourselves, behave, and act as such.

We can make that decision today and everyday to “rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances”. My attitude has changed before I hit the road every morning to work from: “great…here we go again…not looking forward to this traffic…” to praising God for giving me a job to look forward to—a place where I can use and explore my talents and gifts that God has given me, for the long commute so that I am able to listen to amazing Christian influencers on the radio like Chip Ingram and Ravi Zacharias, then singing along to worship songs by Christian artists like David Crowder and Lauren Daigle.

How my perspectives change when I turn negative thoughts and energy into joyful, thankful, and prayerful ones! And, when this happens, that joy is contagious spreading to the important people in my life like my husband and daughter. They appreciate seeing that and most of all, God loves seeing a joyful heart. He loves to hear us giving thanks and praying to Him because prayer is the line that we use to connect with God and to build a relationship with Him. He is so eager to be our friend.  

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Autumn is in the air. This is my most favorite season of all. A reminder of time to rest, and be prepared to cozy up with a fresh cup of coffee and the Greatest Book ever written—the Bible. First of all, I praise God for this day of rest, much needed, too actually. And, God knows that. He knows all of this and searches our hearts. I am thankful for this time given to me to commune with Him—to allow the Holy Spirit to pursue my heart and soul and mind with undivided attention.

Along with this fall weather also comes a feeling of some sort of sadness or melancholy as the leaves on the trees change color and start to fall onto the ground creating this beautiful road carpeted with orange and yellow leaves. I will never understand why I feel sad this time of year, yet the beauties of nature during this season lifts me up. But, I will take that because I am lifted in spirit by the creation of God. How beautiful the weather is outside right now with orange trees all around as it is drizzling. I have recently learned that feelings of sadness may have originated from expectations that went unmet, or the feeling of being overlooked, underappreciated, unwanted, and unloved. I’m sure most of us have felt this way some time or another by the people that we care for and love. People will disappoint us and expectations will go unmet. Yet, what do we do about this and how do we manage these feelings of sadness from growing into bitterness and anger? My solution is the Bible and the Word. There are all kinds of truths that can be found in the Bible to brighten our days and to remind us of the promises that God has made for us.

If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31b) He is all that should matter because He is for us. When we rest in the truth that His love is perfect and unfailing and when we accept the fact that He cares for us so much, all sadness shall dissipate. Be confident in God’s redeeming grace. Let His promise comfort us and satisfy us so that we shall not look for satisfaction or comfort elsewhere. He is here for us. Dive into His Word and let the healing process begin. We must realize, recognize, and accept this truth: our worth must come from God first.

When we are complete in Him, the confidence that we have in Him will not crush our hearts so easily when people disappoint us. In addition, we must not find our worth in other things or from other people when the One who created us have given us this worth. Do not let outside things define who we are. We have been defined by God before we were even born. Let our identities be defined by the One who created us. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well,” says David found in Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV). Do not let the world tell us otherwise. Resonate in this truth found in Ephesians 1:4, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world…” Another scripture found in Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I anointed you as a prophet to the nations (NIV)”. Surely this scripture was spoken to Jeremiah, but we can also apply it to our lives. God knew us long before we were even born or conceived. When we feel discouraged—look to Christ for courage. When we feel disappointed—look to God for the appointments He has made and fulfilled. When we feel inadequate—we must remember that God has always thought of us as valuable and that he has a purpose in mind for us.

Now, let us enjoy the beauty of this season that God has created for us to soak up and appreciate! I praise God for all the blessings that He has given me, for all the difficult times that brought me to my knees to pray and commune with Him, and for reminding me that in Him, my worth is found.

Blessings,

Seda

Encourage One Another

To make someone more determined, hopeful, or confident; to inspire with courage, spirit, or hope is to encourage someone. Whenever I need a few words of encouragement in instances such as before I get out of my car and clock in to work, or before I go into someone’s home whom I do not look forward to but know I must face, or before I meet with a friend in need, or when I see that my daughter is downhearted, or when my husband needs an extra boost of confidence and motivation, I think of the apostle Paul.

Paul was such the encourager! He took it upon himself to write letters to the different groups of people he encountered. He wrote wonderful letters of encouragement, of love, and of support to the Romans, Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Thessalonians. He also wrote to Timothy, Titus, and Philemon.

Paul was an outstanding man of God. However, prior to being the devoted man of Christ that he became in the latter years, he had a strong conviction to persecute Christians and destroy Christianity. Paul’s story is one in the Bible in which is most admirable to me because he is such the reminder to me that we can be transformed in our lifetime to be such lovers of Jesus Christ no matter where we are in life. There is hope.

When I read and reread his letter to the Philippians, my heart gets so caught up in the truth of Christ Jesus that I am so on fire to spread the Word and the love that God has for us. I rejoice in the Lord because the circumstances that I have gone through in my own life have driven me closer and closer to Him. Letting go of all things that were once deemed as important but no longer mean anything. I truly get it when he encourages for us to be joyful even through our trials and tribulations because it is those things that make us better people.

Like Paul who was imprisoned, we too are imprisoned not in the literal sense so to speak but in the sense that we are bound to our worries and concerns, worldly things and the ways of the culture that we tend to lose our focus on God. These things do not matter, sisters and brothers. What matters is where our hearts are in terms of our spiritual maturity in Christ. And, in turn, how we use our spiritual blessings from our Father to bless others, encourage others and love others as He loves us.

Do we give it all to God like He asks us to? Do we accept the challenges we're given with grace or do we go to God and question Him asking for more and better? When we find ourselves there, reflect on these verses found in Isaiah Chapter 55 verses 8-9 (NIV):

'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.'

We feel so in control of our own lives. When good things ramp up, we say, “We’ve got this!” We keep pushing through without praising God for such blessings. But, when we go through trials and tribulations—boy, do we get on our knees fast to pray to God and maybe even question ‘His’ doing. Rather, we should press on and be on our knees everyday anyway praising Him and thanking Him for our blessings and the obstacles we encounter! Yes! I said it! Even the obstacles we encounter!

God gave us tough situations and sandpaper people (as Mary Southerland from Girlfriends in God likes to call them) throughout our lives because He wants to see how we do and how we handle them. His purpose is to build on our character and our sandpaper selves and to mature us in Christ as mentioned in James 1:4 (NIV), “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” In other words, these are opportunities for growth so that He may continue to use us through our hands and feet in whatever we do whether it is in our home, in the workplace, or out in the community.

We were made for more and more. And, God has those plans for us. He will continue to give us more and more complex cases as we continue to prove to Him that we can grow and mature as Christians. Therefore, we must encourage one another in all that we do just as much as I rely on Paul’s words of encouragement, or God’s promises, or Job’s story, or King David’s cries out to God—my goal is to be the encourager to those around me--to always build and never destroy because if it weren’t for Christian sisters like Linda who helped build me, I’d be a terrible sandpaper person. Through her words of encouragement, her advice, her listening ears and patient heart…I am getting better and better at this! Thank You God for sending friends like Linda into my life!

I would like to close with one of my favorite verses from the Bible found in Proverbs Chapter 27 verse 17 (NIV): "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

With Love,

Seda

(Courtesy of google.com)