The Value of Just Listening

Have you ever been frustrated with someone who just needed to listen to what you had to say, but they wouldn’t allow you to finish your point or sentence or assumed they heard you say or mean something else? Has your wife or husband ever told you, “I wish you would just listen, honey.”? Have you ever thought: I wish she would just ask me what I really meant, hear my story, so she can help me better, instead of jumping to conclusion?

Listening makes people feel loved, valued, affirmed, and that you sincerely and genuinely care about them. It is one of the most important factors to communication and understanding. Listening does not equate to hearing. God gave us ears to hear and a heart to understand. Put your heart into hearing to listen well.

We all have a passion or two about some things in our lives. As adults, we have some sort of leadership such as parenting, taking care of our patients, being a bible study group leader. And, being a great leader means you must have great listening skills because it leads to better problem-solving, understanding, and trust from the other person.

Most recently, I have been really passionate about what it means and what it takes to be a good listener because I have been on that other end. For instance, I was expressing a concern I had at a staff meeting and my supervisor jumps right in and makes an assumption about what she thought I meant instead of asking me to clarify or even give examples to my concern. Another situation was when I was going over some of the feelings and concerns I had with my husband about household stuff, and in the middle of my sentence, he told me he understands and doesn’t need for me to reiterate. These are classic examples of poor listening. It’s as if I have been rejected and the feelings I experienced were: I am not worthy, I am not loved, my concerns do not matter, I have been misunderstood…

So, really, the question is…do we want to be that person? If we fail to listen to our fellow man, to other people, to our friends, to our spouse, to our children, so we fail to listen carefully to the instructions of the Lord. Paul warned us against quenching the Spirit in 1 Thessalonians 5:19. This goes hand-in-hand with actively listening to the Holy Spirit who is in us in those who have accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior. Listening well is vital for understanding the communicator. It lets the other person know that their feelings, concerns, and fears are not being extinguished or quenched. Listening well helps you to fully understand the person’s concerns, fears, anxiety, belief, and so on. It helps you to break down that wall one brick at a time. Therefore, do not diminish another person due to your poor listening skills. Instead, listen carefully to what the other person has to say. Ask questions. Clarify.

When my husband and I went to marriage counseling a few years ago, one of the most important things we learned about our marriage was that we were not great communicators. We were terrible. My take-away from the counseling was the ability and the need to mirror our conversation with each other. Our therapist had us mirroring each other’s sentences. It helped a whole lot in terms of understanding what the other person had to say. But, how did that fall by the wayside? We have to truly be proactive about actively listening to show that we care.

James, Jesus’ brother, a leader in the Jerusalem church advised us, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19, NIV). When we do not listen or listen too little and speak too much, we are communicating to the other person that what we think, our ideas, and our concerns are more important than theirs. We must be aware and keep track of our listening and our talking. Smoke detectors should come on when we are just hearing and not listening, when we talk about our life situation more than asking the other person about how they are doing or what they are going through. Let the other person know that you care about them, that you love them, and that they have value in your life by actively listening and verify that their points have been understood. Let this hit home with you: “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Proverbs 18:13, ESV). God gave us ears to hear, so let your heart and mind listen for understanding.

Connecting God's Dots

As a child, I really enjoyed the activity called "Connect the Dots". It is a safe and secure activity. If you simply follow the rules and directions, you'll feel like a winner every time after it is done. There's a variety of "Connect the Dots" pictures, from easy level (connecting the dots from 1-2-3 or A-B-C) to expert level (connecting the dots to the next number by 5's as in 5-10-15-20). And, guaranteed in the end, if you followed the dots as you should, you will end up with a complete image or picture of anything from butterflies to a house to a dog. And, have those colored pencils ready because you will get to color that final picture.

As an adult and as a child of God, I tend to refer my discipline to connecting His dots. Making decisions that are based on His will is not an easy or simple task as a maturing Christian. My decisions must be situated upon prayers, scriptures, communing with God on a constant basis in order to move to the correct proceeding dot.

To connect the dots effectively and to live effectively, our gaze must remain upon Him. If we look away, we will stumble. And, there are times when we do lose focus, but the good news is that at least God allows a redo or two if we repent and obey Him just as how He commanded the woman who was caught in adultery as told by John 8:11 (NIV), "Then neither do I condemn you...Go and sin no more." We would still have a chance at creating that beautiful end-picture when His dots are connected properly. There will be mistakes along the way, but we must surrender everything to God and allow for Him to help us through.

I can't wait to see the result after my dots provided by God are connected. It is a long road, but we must remain focused on Him and His promises. Can you imagine what eternity will be like? Picture yourself in this and meditate on this great promise found in Revelation 21:1-8 as follows:

 

Then I saw "a new heaven and a new earth," for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Look! God's dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away."

Wow...what a beautiful picture! Can you imagine??? This is a tremendous hope and encouragement for the believer. It definitely encourages me to stay within the road to get to the next dot. And, along the way, we always learn something. Just pay attention to those yield signs, stop signs, and warning signs...do as you're told. And, the beautiful eternity awaits us marked with "walls made of jasper and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls are decorated with every kind of precious stone..." (Revelation 21:18-19, NIV).

    (Image from godandhisrevelation.com)

Welcoming February

It is the first of the month...the month of February, the shortest month of all, but this year, we get an extra day. I am always excited about new beginnings...a new month, a new week, a new day, a new job, a new chapter...and the list goes on.

Today is the beginning of a new month and even a new Bible Study with some of the ladies from Adventure Christian Church. We are focusing on Beth Moore's Study entitled Living Beyond Yourself based on the Fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23. It is such an awesome topic of study in the Bible. I've been meaning to study this on my own, but as my excuse would go...we've been crazy busy here at home--especially with contractors in and out to repair things around here, paperwork needing to be sent to the loan originator for a new home, and signing the agreement to selling this home and a separate agreement to purchasing the new home. (I still think it's a good enough excuse to putting off studying the Fruit of the Spirit.) But, as God would have it, this is the chosen topic of Bible Study this spring season. What excuses do you have now, Seda? (smiles God)... And, even better, I am doing it with a small group rather than all alone.

Back to the beginning of this new day, this new week, and this new month...my morning started with getting up out of bed and encouraging myself to be joyful and loving as it is a grand new day! And, something else to celebrate...I get to have the day off from work! Boy, what am I going to do with all my time? I already had a schedule in my head...but, as the morning kicked off, I just kept going and surprises kept rolling in!

Walked to school with a grumpy 5th grader who just got lectured and a supportive husband on a very windy, but sunny morning.

Came back home and saw my husband off to work.

Made a cup of coffee for myself, blasted Chip Ingram's sermon on the surround sound system at home while juggling laundry, dishes, making beds, putting things away and tidying things up. What a pain it is to try and sell a home that is lived-in! I have to police the family and make sure they put things away after they are done using them, and always being ready for our agent to show the house to anyone at any given time. This is the chapter that I can't wait to see it come to fruition.

Went to bible study at 10 a.m. and mingled with the gals for a few minutes after the study.

Picked up lunch for my husband as I have promised.

Rushed back home to make sure that the house is spic and span because it is picture day for the house at 2pm. A surprise 2-hour notice from our agent. Yes, of course it would be okay. Sure...we can get it done...

Picked up Jewels from school--walking and praying, hoping that the grumpy girl has turned her mood. Hoping that the grumpy girl understood and thought about the violations she made and that she now desires to do the good and right thing--all the time!

What a high expectation I have for her even though I am fully aware that she is changing, and transitioning into this really rough phase in her life...tween life...the in-between phase into teenage-hood and then into young adulthood. And, she is only human. We all have made mistakes, we all have sinned. But, let's hope that we have learned from those mistakes. Oh my...what a struggle--I thought...when I woke up this morning to find that the Jewels slept with her iPod. Broken rule of this Vash House!

That's it! iPod has been locked in our security box, and she will not get to see it for a week, maybe two...I'm still contemplating :/

And, now, the family is all together again...let's start this all over again and welcome February with a positive attitude, an open mind and heart to God and His great energy. For without His energy today, without His help, without His guidance, and without His love, I would not have been able to do what I have done today. I pray for understanding as to what my daughter is going through and what she needs from me, Father. I pray that she seeks You first. I pray for knowledge and wisdom to help her transition into this new phase in her life in a healthy way, Lord. I am desperate for Your help with everything, and in this season of my life...I especially need Your guidance and help with how to be a better mother.

Let's pray:

Father, may we welcome new beginnings with an open heart and an open mind, but above all else, may we welcome You into our lives every minute of every day. Please remind us that we are weak without You. And, that when we are broken, we must come to You for your help to put us back together again because You are the Creator. You are the only One who knows how to fix us. You are the Great Healer, the Great Physician. May Your Holy Spirit move us to do the good and right thing with love and joy even when it means "living beyond ourselves" as Beth Moore had mentioned. Thank you for loving me...

In Your Son's name I pray, Amen

God's Beautiful Grace

Have you ever meditated on God's grace for you? How about...how you got where you are today?

 

To have this beautiful and everlasting relationship with Him, to have the open access for prayers and praises to God at any given time through our Savior Jesus Christ--is all by the grace of God. Grace translates to me as God's unfailing love, His mercy, His patience, and His loyalty to us and for us. Grace reminds me of God sending His one and only son to live and die on that cross for us...for all our sins.  

 

We have all made mistakes, sinned, and while we are believers in Christ, we are still sinners. Boy, is that a paradox or what?! We sin on a daily basis, maybe by going just a few miles above that speed limit, or by telling a white lie for the purposes of not hurting anyone's feelings, or by telling a patient that they will do okay under anesthesia and surgery to curb their anxiety before they fall asleep even though we know they may not do so well, and so on and so forth. Yes, we are sinners. And, no, we are not perfect! But, what is perfect is God's redeeming grace for us all! Are we deserving of it? No. Not at all.

 

God's grace by definition according to Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry (CARM) means the unmerited favor of God to those who are undeserving in other words unworthy. It is also defined as "not a created substance of any kind, but as the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it" (Our Wesleyan Theological Heritage, 2015). He desires us to have it--to have His grace and to understand it. When we come to an understanding of this divine topic of God's grace, we also come to a greater appreciation for what He has done for us compelling us to continually praise Him. 

 

Because we are not deserving of God's perfect grace and we receive it anyway, one blessing after another, is why I would like to remind myself this New Year and always of His beautiful grace and how it has changed me and continues to change me. I am convinced that this is the way to keep me closer to Him in everything I do. It is a guideline that outlines the path for me--to make decisions that are according to His perfect will, to renew my thoughts and ways that bring me closer to Him and that pleases and glorify Him.

 

Let's pray:

 

Lord, this year, I am committed to focusing on Your grace. You are The God of the universe who continually blesses me with one thing after another after another even though I am not deserving of them. I pray that Your grace will motivate me and encourage me to spill it over to my husband, my daughter, my family, my friends, my patients, the people I work with, and perfect strangers when I go out into the world. I pray that You give me deeper and a more profound understanding of Your grace, Father. For it is by Your grace that I have been saved. Thank you for loving me.

 

In Jesus' name, Amen