Today, I am personally at a crossroad when it comes to the holidays, weddings, and funerals. I understand that obligations are obligations—and as my parents reminded me, over and over again, from when I was a child to an adult today, fulfilling obligations is quite important and somewhat required of me and of any normal human being. Maybe they’re speaking from a very traditional Cambodian/Chinese/Buddhist perspective which at times I can relate, but then, there are occasions which I can’t relate. Even they would agree with some of the decisions I have made and would encourage for me to do what is unorthodox, like declining to attend some of the family events I have been invited to. Then, yet again, they contradict themselves, saying family is family and blood is thicker than water.
This Christmas, we invited my best friend's family to our home a few weeks earlier, out of pure love and care, to ensure that we fulfill the obligation of caring for them after my best friend went home to be with the Lord earlier this year. However, they have decided to just keep it to themselves this Christmas which we totally understand and respect. No harsh feelings and we're hopeful for next year or the next or the next. Since the declination, my husband and I pondered on what our Plan B would be. I listed the extended families that we could possibly invite and host, my side of the family or his side of the family or take up on an invitation. It would be fun. But, he politely declined. Not the typical response I would get from my socially-oriented husband. I asked why. He simply stated that he just wanted a quiet, peaceful, and intimate Christmas. He wanted to focus on the birth of Jesus and what His birth means to all of humanity. I was pleasantly surprised to hear this from him. I am thankful to know that this was what he really wanted after all and I couldn't agree more.
Guilt is certainly another factor that somehow finds itself in to my heart and mind after I have firmly decided one way or another. After many gatherings at our homestead over the years and going over to someone else’s home for the holidays—whether Thanksgiving or Christmas, or other holidays that aren't so significant, we have been occasionally burnt leaving a bitter taste in our mouths. Prior to these gatherings and invitations, we anticipate so much. Our hearts pitter and patter with thoughts on how it will be, and so many what-ifs come to mind. Post-gathering, we become somewhat traumatized by some of the harsh words or questioning of our being as if we are not enough. Personally, I'm even made to believe that I'm this big, bad person. Conversations replay in my mind causing for my blood to boil up inside me, compelling second-thoughts, reminding me to meditate, forgive, and let it all go..."For they know not what they do."
So, really, the phrase, “Good vibes only,” should really mean: be nice, be kind, be supportive, and most importantly, be real, be genuine, be authentic with love for you cannot be the former without the latter. And, you certainly cannot be the latter without LOVE. Therefore, if you can’t be all of the above to each individual you invite to your home or as a guest to someone else’s home, then don’t even bother. What humanity is lacking is genuine love for one another. Because of this depravity, the world is a darker place filled with human beings who are angry, lonely, depressed, sad, anxious, etc. because they're too busy being envious and jealous of each other...too busy trying to keep up with the Joneses, that the words that come out of their mouths reflect truly what's inside their hearts. Pretentious love is freely given with empty words and forced smiles that don’t warm up the core of the bones leaving half-empty hearts that go unfilled. Pretentious is such the word that would not be used to describe me if I were asked to describe myself. It’s an ugly thing to be. Yet, at times, I’m almost forced to be pretentious to get things going along for the time being. Because, let’s face it, not everything is peaches and cream, not all relationships are on good terms. People are afraid to go deep in conversations for they are afraid of what revelations/truths would surface and how these truths would affect the others’ feelings.
Therefore, boundaries are boundaries. My boundaries may be more specific filled with many little requirements than others. I am not putting this out there to declare that I cannot live with the world. I will still do my best to live in peace with the world. But, I will limit myself to toxicity which can so quickly and easily spread ruining my mindset in a very real way just as Paul reminded us in 1 Corinthians 15:32-34 (NIV), “Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character. Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop spinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God – I say this to your shame.” So, brothers and sisters, what you do today matters for eternity. In light of eternity, sin is a foolish gamble. Your belief in the resurrection will affect your view of the future. Most significantly, it also ought to affect how you live today.
I am not writing this out of hate or spite. I am doing my best to also love my enemies. We all know and can acknowledge that we have enemies in this life. But, I don’t and never will wish any ill-thoughts upon them…only pray for them to see the truth for what it stands. And, today, that truth is the birth of Jesus Christ born to be our savior over 2000 years ago. He came so that we may have life…in eternity. He came to wipe away all our sins even as we are still sinners so that we may know how deep His love is for each and everyone of us. Today, I pray that you may understand the depth of His unfailing love for all of us even when we don’t deserve it.
May your Christmas be filled with humility and gentle kindness given, and received.
